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Many of us are pleasers – some are teasers.
Okay, Quinn, you’re going down the wrong tracks.
I’m going to take a step back and admit I am a pleaser or some may call me a push-over! I rarely want to disappoint my family, friends, or co-workers; so I had a nasty habit of saying “Yes…Sure…I can totally do it!”
Then, there is that amazing feeling that comes with saying “No.”
Even when I wanted to sit home or when I’m loaded with work, I always say “Okay!” for some reason then mentally bi- about it later.
Over time, which is not too long ago, I learn how to listen to the mental beast and say “F- no!” Okay, maybe that is being a bit overdramatic, but I did learn how to say “No” more frequently despite the guilt lurking inside. Eventually, you learn how to get used to that feeling.
Of course, I’m not saying that you should only do what you want all the time. I am a believer in “giving and taking” because there will be times when you need something from someone else. If you don’t take your time in helping them then why should they return the favor?
Moving forward, here are some things that help me say no without feeling guilty – well you shouldn’t feel that way, to begin with.
1. Listen to Your Inner Beast
Most of the time you will know immediately if you want to say yes or no to a request. Do not fight against what your sexy beast is telling you!
2. Time your No’s
What I mean with timing your no’s is that you can either buy yourself time to tell someone you’ll get back to them later. However, I find that this can also lead to delaying the decision, which makes me feel more uncomfortable every day. I rather rip off the band-aid because there will be moments when you forget to respond which makes thing even more awkward.
3. Short and Sweet
If you’re a pleaser, you’ve probably been guilty of trying to say no to a request, but you start rambling, and in the end, you’ve either said yes anyway, or you’ve apologized a million times. Then, before you knew it, you take them out to dinner and pay for it because the guilt was consuming you so f-ing bad – yes, that’s me.
Here are two rules to follow:
1. Short and sweet – Example – “I can’t do it.”
2. No excuse
Let’s admit it, people make up an excuse to get out of a situation and sometimes, it can bite you back in the as…
4. Don’t Over-apologize
You’re not asking for permission to say no! You are entitled to speak to whatever request comes your way, so there’s no need to keep apologizing. Sometimes, apologizing too often makes your “I’m sorry” worthless when it shouldn’t be.
5. Can You Meet me Half-Way?
It’s like bargaining and trying to meet in the middle. When you want or have to say no to a request, think about the compromises you can offer.
“Want to hang out this Saturday?”
“No, I’m busy but what about Sunday?”
Do not always use this method though because eventually your friends or family may think you’re always “busy” and stop inviting or requesting you for something. However, if you can’t do it, then you can’t do it.
6. Refusal and Rejection
Remind yourself that you’re saying no to a request, not to a person. The person will still be there, its the request that got push away.
I hope these tips help you! It may take time, but practice it, and it will make life easier! If you have any more suggestions, be sure to comment! I would love to read about it!